For most pastors talking about sex - with youth or adults - is off-limits, taboo, delicate and anxiety inducing. Personally, the thought of starting a conversation about sex from scratch in a congregation makes me feel like this:
Is it even worth trying?
My experiences as a youth, working with youth, and working in churches tell me YES. It is worth the risk, the effort, and the difficulty. The question is how? And perhaps even before that, why? Why is it so important?
In Margaret Farley's Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics she argues that justice and sex are intimately related:
"In a century that has seen rape as a part of military strategy, poverty as a result of lack of reproductive choice, industries based on the economic exploitation of sex, race joined with gender and class to determine the employment options of groups, the development of a sexual ethic can not be a trivial concern." (p. 13)
It is not hard to see that the societies of our world struggle with sexual ethics on a broad scale. Sex has always been a public issue, even though it is largely a private act. Our own country has a complex history, politically and religiously, with the control and legislation of sexual activity. If history teaches us we can find that control and legislation have done more harm than good, and it has not contributed to a just sexual ethic. Additionally, sex has become intimately tied to our economy and is continuously used as a marketing tool. Advertising sells sex in a particularly harmful way: saying that sex (and sexiness) is the ultimate ideal, but it is always just out of reach. Never are we "enough" as sexual beings.
In this sexually polluted marketplace we call "home," how are we to navigate our sexuality and sexual relationships? Even for adults with level heads and reasoning skills it is a daunting task. How much more daunting is it for our children and young adults? How should the church be serving the people of God in this matter?
The "who" and "how" are are now pressing for attention. For the purposes of my project the "who" are Christian congregations, particularly the youth and young people of these congregations as a part of the larger inter-generational whole. My claim is that sex education (of both the biological and spiritual sort) is not a problem for youth and youth ministers alone. Without the support of mentors, the language to speak openly, and the confidence of a listening ear our youth will never develop of sexual ethic they believe in and can actively follow. Without the support of their whole congregation youth will be unable and ill equipped to embrace their God-given sexuality without considerable harm in the process. In turn, congregations and the individuals, couples, and families within them will be unable to bring the whole of themselves and their relationships to their spiritual community and even to God.
This leaves a gaping hole in our larger society. There are many loud voices about Christian sexuality that are easily accessible. They offer concrete answers as to what activities are allowed and in what contexts. These louder voices often support gender roles that suppress women and leave no room for sexual expression between members of the same-sex. Statistics show us that these "programs" for sexual ethics or conditioning don't work. Teens who take a vow of chastity until marriage only delay sexual activity and are more likely to substitute anal or oral sex for vaginal intercourse, and they are less likely to use condoms during any of these activities. STD rates are approximately the same between virginity pledgers and non-pledgers.
Churches that are typically classed as liberal or progressive are much quieter in comparison to the louder more conservative voices. It's my project (which you can keep up with on this blog) to find out what churches should be doing to fill the gap and encourage healthy, faithful relationships (sexual or not) between congregants. I hope to find some of the quiet voices that are speaking and highlight their work and offer suggestions as to the duty we as the Church have both to our young people and our world.
What do you think we should do? What isn't working? More importantly, what IS working?
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